Chain Breaker

Addiction. I hate it. Drugs. I hate them.

My younger sister has been bound by these two things for way too many years.  I'm not sure why I feel so compelled to write about this. Maybe it is because I have held it in for way too long. Maybe it is because I have seen it tear my family apart for 16 or more years. Maybe it is because I have seen the enemy steal my sister away from me. From her mom and dad. From her other sister and brother. From her nieces and nephews. From her grandparents. And now, from her own son. Maybe that all sounds selfish, but I can't help but get angry when I think about how Satan uses these evil things to attack and destroy. I could never write about all the ways the drugs and addiction have affected my family.

I'm not good with words. I'm not a writer,  but I need to share this. Maybe someone out there is going through this right at this very moment. You see, I had almost given up hope on my little sister. Almost.

If you know my sister, you probably have not seen the best of her in many years. Maybe you don't even remember the "real" her.  So often, I think of that little girl in pigtails who I grew up with, who I colored with, played nintendo with, played play dough with on the back porch.

As an adult, I have been fortunate to see her for a few short months at a time as my sister. That one with a good heart. The one with a beautiful smile. The one who is funny, loving, and her personality so beautifully captivating. I have seen it. I have experienced and seen God's goodness in her. She HAS had it.  I saw her during the 8 months a few years ago when she was gone away to a Christian based rehab and recovery center. The most recent time I got to see her as my real sister was this past summer. We became the best of friends again. But only for a month.  Over night. She was gone. Again. This is when I almost gave up on her. Almost. Her addiction was too strong and her will was not there.

Fast forward to January 21, 2016. This is when my hope began to be renewed. My sister and I hadn't spoken in months. Things had taken a turn for the worse. Saturday morning, I put the headphones in and went outside to take a short run. I turned my music playlist on and turned on the song "Chain Breaker" by Zach Williams.  I ran. I prayed. I called out and prayed for my sister. While I was listening to that song, praying, my sister messaged me out of nowhere to reconcile with me. I knew right then and there that God was speaking to ME.

Sunday morning was my turning point. Blake and I took the kids to sunday school and the youth at church did a skit and hand mime. WHAT A BLESSING. One of the skits was based on the song, "Chain Breaker." The very song that I was listening to Saturday morning. The other skit was all about how people can get so bound by sin, depression, drugs, etc. BUT Jesus can turn it all around. I am still in awe of how God worked that out.

So, during the prayer requests, I felt so compelled that morning to call my sister's name out and tell the church what she was struggling with and why. I needed to.  This is when God really began speaking to me. A visiting preacher was at church that day. He didn't know who I was. I didn't know who he was. He got up and his message was on addiction!  He said he knew then why God had given that very message to him before he came. He said when he heard several prayer requests throughout the church of loved ones being sick and my sister being bound by addiction, it became clear. He knew why. He went on to testify of his family members who were also addicted to prescription medicine. I could not hold back the tears. God had sent this preacher to me that day. I know this and believe this with ALL my heart. When he said YOU may be her only hope through Jesus, I knew I had to go see her. I did. I could NOT give up on her. Not now.

The entire church gathered at the end of the service to pray specifically for those requests made known of family members with addiction.

To make a long story short, I went to my sister that day.  After many tears, hugs, apologies, guilt talk, lashing out at herself, she confided. She wanted help. She needed help. She told me she couldn't do it on her own. God did not stop there. My sister got the insurance she needed the very next day and was in a detox center that night. Praise. The. Lord.

I saw her coming off of the "prescription" drugs this time. I say it that way because yes, that is where it started. It makes me upset to think that these pills are being prescribed so freehandedly. I know it was her will to take them in the beginning, but after that.

Sad. Awful. If you haven't experienced it or seen it, it would be easy to just think addicts are worthless and just selfish. But, I am choosing to look at the other side. I have imagined being in her shoes. I don't know what it would be like for my body to crave something so bad. I don't know what it is like to have to keep taking something to keep numb just to cover up the pain. I don't ever want to know what that feels like.

My sister is somewhere getting help right now. This is all by the wonderful GRACE of GOD. There is no other way to explain it. I guess I wanted to write this to try to explain. I probably didn't do a very good job at it. Nowhere close.

But I do want to ask for your prayers for her. She didn't realize it, but there was a group of people praying for her and have been for a very long time. My granny, my mom and dad, my husband, my aunts and uncle, church family, other family members, my mother in low, cousins, my nieces, my friends, me. You know who you are and I for one am so grateful you have been praying. The burden is too much to bear alone. Will you please help me pray that she holds the desire to continue to get help? Will you pray that she will allow God to break these chains that have had her so bound? Will you pray she stays away from here for a very long time? Will you help me pray that she gets better? Forever this time.

I have seen my mom and dad broken, oh so broken. Last night was different. I saw peace come over them. Pray for them too. They've been through it.

I'm not asking for pity. I mainly want to give praise to the Lord publicly for what HE is doing and what HE is going to do. I have seen miracles happen. I saw one happen yesterday. She is getting help. I consider that a miracle in itself.  I have that hope again. I am choosing to believe. I will choose to believe that one day when she gives her testimony, I will be the first in line to hear it.

I love all of you.

Philippians 4:6-7
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

My hope is anchored in Christ. 

This was taken this summer during the month we became the best of friends again. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8PQfQQo2Jc